What Drives Extreme Competitiveness? Psychology, Causes, and Habits Explained

If you’ve ever locked eyes at a trivia night, watched someone go way too hard at Mario Kart, or worked with that colleague who turns every brainstorming session into the Olympics, you know: extremely competitive people stand out. They don’t just want to win—they need it. But why does their drive run so much hotter than everyone else’s?

The Roots of Extreme Competitiveness

Picture an eight-year-old standing on a soccer pitch, eyes narrowed, completely zoned out to everything but that ball hurtling their way. Some people claim that level of competitive fire is just born into us. And there’s a bit of truth there—some kids are all-in from day one, others are just glad to be wearing the uniform. Scientists at Oxford have found that genetics account for about 30% of individual differences in competitiveness. Your parents might not just give you their hair color—they might pass you their appetite for the win.

Still, genes don’t act alone. Family environment plays a massive role, especially when kids are rewarded (or sometimes punished) based on their performance. If Mum high-fives you every time you ace a spelling test or Dad frowns when you finish second in swimming, you quickly learn to pin your self-worth to achievement. Australian psychologist Dr. Roberta Hester points out that in hyper-competitive households, kids often associate love with success—lose, and you risk disappointing your tribe.

But let’s not pin it all on childhood. Social pressure counts for a lot. Teenagers growing up in high-achieving areas (think North Sydney or Canberra’s inner suburbs) report higher competitiveness, craving the validation that comes with “best in class” labels. Social media amplifies this: platforms like Instagram or LinkedIn fuel comparison, leaving no shortage of reasons to feel behind—and no shortage of incentives to get ahead.

One little-known fact: competitive fire can spike after life events that involve loss or rejection. People faced with a tough breakup or job loss sometimes get ultra-driven, chasing wins to make up for blows to the ego. So the drive can turn up at key forks in the road, not just at birth.

How Extreme Competitiveness Shapes Behaviour

Alright, so someone is wired to compete—how does it show up day to day?

Let’s get specific. Extremely competitive folks constantly compare their results with those around them. It’s not enough to do well—they want to be the best, sometimes even if the “prize” is bragging rights. If you’re in a work meeting and notice someone itching to correct a tiny error, or upping every story with a slightly more impressive tale, that’s competitive personality in action.

Extremely competitive people don’t just set goals, they set stretch goals. Ordinary targets bore them. Instead, they chase milestones most avoid, like topping national sales charts or training for an Ironman on a full-time schedule. Sports psychologists call this “goal escalation”—the moment someone achieves, they immediately recalibrate and aim higher.

Now, there’s a flip side. This drive can get ugly. When competition turns toxic, these folks might turn into sore losers, gloat as winners, or undermine teammates. At its most extreme, it fuels burnout: according to a 2023 study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, people scoring in the top 10% for competitive traits were twice as likely to work through holidays, skip breaks, and suffer chronic stress symptoms. Not exactly the recipe for balance.

But it’s not all bad news. Many extremely competitive people make brilliant entrepreneurs, athletes, and innovators. They don’t rest until they build the better mousetrap or shave seconds off their swim time. They are the people who push a little longer, change the process, or just dig deeper to solve the problem. History gives us names like Serena Williams or Elon Musk—not shy, not modest, but relentlessly competitive.

Famously, Australian swimmer Ian Thorpe credits fierce internal battles for his record-breaking career. He’d beat personal bests at practice just to edge his earlier self, stringing together these wins like “collecting trophies, only I was racing yesterday’s me.”

It’s a double-edged sword, but when rivalry is healthy, it breeds growth—the trick is keeping it from crossing the line.

What Fuels Competitive People: Motivation and Mindset

If you sit down with the hyper-competitive, you’ll spot something almost straight away: they don’t settle. But what gets them up in the morning?

Turns out, their motivations aren’t all the same. Psychologists split competitive drive into two camps: “approach motivation” (chasing success) and “avoidance motivation” (fleeing failure). The first type—think of tennis champ Ash Barty—loves the thrill of the pursuit. The second group is hustling to avoid that sting of falling short, shaped by memories of disappointment, embarrassment, or shame.

Research out of Monash University shows that people with approach motivation are happier, less anxious, and bounce back quicker from loss. The ones stuck on avoidance often worry more and get less satisfaction out of winning. So if you want to channel competitiveness into something healthy, focus on the joy of reaching for the summit, not just dodging the pit.

Many competitive people also practice “mental contrasting,” a fancy term for picturing their dream outcome—and then scanning for roadblocks. For example, imagine you want to be the top trial lawyer in Adelaide. You picture winning a big case. Next, you think of the hours, the study, and the setbacks you’ll hit, then plan ways to deal with them. This habit, according to a 2022 Flinders University study, helps competitive types hit their targets even when things get tough.

There’s also a cultural piece. Australia’s got its own tall poppy syndrome, right? So being “too competitive” can get you ribbed. But in fast-paced industries—think finance, sales, tech—being driven is almost expected. Workplace surveys show that teams with a healthy competitive vibe (clear rewards, fair rules) notch better productivity and creativity scores than teams where “winning” is taboo.

Don’t forget about role models. Seeing a fiercely competitive teacher, parent, or coach in action can set the tone early. You notice how they prep, fight, recover from setbacks, and swap out excuses for grit. Copycat behavior is real—and so is catching the drive just by hanging around hungry people.

Turning Extreme Competitiveness Into an Advantage

You’ve probably spotted a recurring theme: competitiveness is a tool. It can build or break, depending on how you wield it. So, how do you make it work for you, not against you?

First thing—notice and name it. If you catch yourself ruminating over that person who scored 98 on an exam when you got 97, or skipping sleep prepping for a pitch because you can’t stand a near miss, you’re probably running on competitive fuel. Don’t beat yourself up. Self-awareness is the start.

Next, ditch the “one winner only” mindset. If every group project, friendly kickabout, or job interview becomes life-or-death, life gets harsh. Instead, try “compete with, not against.” Encourage others, learn from rivals, and treat each challenge as a game—something you can get better at, not just win or lose. It keeps your circle healthy (and stops you from losing friends at board game night).

Set specific, personal goals that aren’t all about beating others. Competing against your past self, like Thorpe did in the pool, channels the drive without making you the office villain. Track your progress—not just the scoreboard. Use journals, apps, or a trusted mate who keeps things real with honest feedback.

Build in real downtime. Talk with people who value you for more than wins. See competition as part of life, not the whole story. And when you do taste defeat, treat it like a stepping stone. The world’s top performers don’t just win more—they bounce back faster. They treat setbacks as data, not judgment.

Here’s an easy checklist to keep competitiveness positive:

• Ask, “Why do I want to win—what’s driving me?”
• Shift from “must beat everyone” to “can I outdo myself?”
• Celebrate others’ success without comparing
• Recognize warning signs: all-or-nothing thinking, irritability, stress
• Schedule breaks from high-stakes activities
• Find other ways to measure your worth—creativity, kindness, learning

Use that burning drive, but steer it. Learn from setbacks. Don’t trash your wellbeing (or your mates’). As much as people like to hype the winner-takes-all attitude, real satisfaction comes from growing, not just winning. Channel competitiveness as your engine, not your identity—that’s how you get the most from it, and actually enjoy the ride.